It has been two weeks since I graduated school. A big part of my life has ended and along with that comes the end of a routine that I had down to a science. This is also the end of my peer feedback loop from classes because my classes were online. While I don't regret taking online classes (it allowed me to maintain a full-time job for much of my academic career) I do regret not trying harder to supplement what I was missing from going onto a physical campus. Here is what the situation looks like:
For much of the time, I am locked up in my room and feel that I have nowhere to go. I spend much of my time in isolation or with my significant other (she is really supportive of me, my dreams, and what I do). Outside of that, I am exposed to a lot of negative attitudes, pessimism, and defeatist perspectives. I'm struggling to find work that doesn't require bachelors (which I have) plus 2 to 5 years of film work in a production studio, this makes it difficult for me to feel motivated to create more films for myself. I've been sleeping in more lately, though I have started getting up at 7 am instead of 9 am. Much of my isolated day is spent creating busy work and passively consuming media either on YouTube, Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook. The list goes on to include sitting with bad posture and choosing to forgo meals for work, but these are the biggest bad habits I want to break out of.
On the upside, I have been volunteering my time and filmmaking skills at city hall but that isn't good enough for me. I need to make some real significant changes to my lifestyle. I need to start being deliberate in my actions, start utilizing my time more wisely, break bad habits, go out there, meet people, and really chase my dreams 100% head on. It's a hard and scary thing to do because I feel quite alone in this and I sort of am but only because I am choosing to be.
Choosing to be alone actually gives me some hope and faith in what I am trying to accomplish here. If I am choosing to try to do everything on my own and get bogged down by all these large tasks, emotions, and be distracted I can choose to do and be the opposite. I can choose to get out of the house more. I can choose to create and share more content. I can choose to meet more creatives, artists, writers, and more. But the first step is a change in myself and my lifestyle.
Over the next few days, I will be documenting what habits I am breaking, what habits I am learning, the routines I am crafting, my research findings, what my findings are from this experiment, so on and so forth. Part of this is so I can hold myself more accountable for my actions. Another reason for this is that I know, logically, I cannot be the only person who has ever attended any sort of online school and not come out feeling this way. Maybe you feel this way too or maybe you are interested in self-help. Maybe you are just in this for a good read. No matter why you are here, I welcome you and thank you for joining me on this journey.